I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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