I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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