why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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