Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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