so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
