im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
