You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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