Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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