Barsexuality is the new black.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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