i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
