he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i think i just lost a toe
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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