I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
