your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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