What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
