You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
