all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
