did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
