well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
