Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
