i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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