OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
