I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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