we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
