Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
