it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
