turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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