Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
