You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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