I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
