im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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