the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
smell my finger.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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