u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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