can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
