i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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