well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize