why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
