So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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