Kareoke will never be a sober sport
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
