had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
