'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my being single is dangerous.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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