My room smells like vodka and shame
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
