dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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