ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He felt like a one man threesome
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
