So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
as a side note pls kill me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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