this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I didn't notice because vodka
50% drunk capacity currently
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
