I think i sorta joined a cult last night
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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