lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
