you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
