Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
