just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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