I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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