I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
