He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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