Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
