We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
