sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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