Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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