i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
