I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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