PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
