Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
