Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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