I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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