We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need water and some morals
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
