beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
