My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i think i have two assholes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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